Yehudah Fine, Times Square Rabbi

 

 

Excerpts from Kansas City Jewish Chronicle 2001

 

©Kansas City Jewish Chronicle 2001

'Times Square Rabbi' will reach out to local teens

By Deborah Klee, Staff Writer October 12, 2001

 

There are people in this world who choose to slam a plane full of people into a building full of people. But there are also people like Rabbi Yehudah Fine, who has chosen to empower teens and their families for life - whether that takes him to the drug-fueled violence of New York City's underworld or the relative calm of Temple B'nai Jehudah's Learning Center.

 

Teens: No holds barred

 

Rabbi Fine understands what's important to teen-agers. For nearly 30 years, he's been listening.

 

Perhaps the most intense run, however, was from 1985-94. For several nights a week, from 8 p.m. until 5 a.m., he'd don his Yankees cap and prowl the roughest areas of New York City looking for teens in trouble. Offering hot chocolate, peanut butter sandwiches and a warm heart, he was able to empower many of these "lost kids" with hope and strength. His experiences have been captured in his book, "Times Square Rabbi."

 

Since then Rabbi Fine has continued to go to where the teens are: small towns, big cities, synagogues, churches, schools, across America and beyond.

 

What can teens expect when they meet with him on Oct. 21?

 

For starters, feel free to call him Yehudah. He doesn't want titles to be a barrier.

 

Many kids then want to hear about his experiences in New York, the stories of the kids who lived through abuse at home and in the streets, drug addicts, prostitutes.

 

"These stories are fascinating to them," said Rabbi Fine. "But I didn't leave the streets to tell stories about kids I saw on the streets."

 

Instead, he will share with the kids a survey of what concerns teens across the country, and help them see where Kansas City teens are in relation.

 

Then, passing out 3-by-5 index cards and pencils, he has the kids write down questions for which they want answers. Because it's anonymous, "they know it's OK to say whatever they want," said Rabbi Fine. "No subject is taboo."

 

The cards are collected and read, "and it blows kids away," he said. "We spend the rest of the time going over the questions."

 

Over the years, Rabbi Fine has amassed about 14,000 file cards.

 

"When you get down to the core issues for kids," said Rabbi Fine, "their concerns and what they know and what they're worried about, it all ends up being the same." He cited depression, suicide, emotional, physical and sexual abuse among their friends and dangerous home lives as key issues.

 

"After I leave, I take all those index cards, type every question up and send it back to the community," said Rabbi Fine. Those questions can then form the basis for discussions and programming for teens. It's effective because it is sparked by the teen - rather than adult - agenda.

 

"These are kids who are on the cusp of adulthood," said Rabbi Fine. "They're challenged by life, making decisions about life, making decisions about their Judaism. This (seminar and follow-up) leaves them with a real live-wire power message - that the most responsive place that they've ever run into in their whole life turns out to be the Jewish community."

 

Adults: Stepping up to the plate

 

For any parent, relative, teacher or friend who has been baffled by teens, Rabbi Fine offers a promise: "I guarantee that whoever comes to my seminars comes away with knowing what the real issues are for kids today. When you come out of an hour and a half with me, there is not an issue that your child can bring up - no matter how frightening - that you're not going to be able to deal with. You may not be able to solve it, but you will know how to talk with your teen about it. You'll be in a position to step up to the plate."

 

And the morning session is not just for parents of teens, said Rabbi Fine.

 

"Every kid needs a mentor," said Rabbi Fine. "We're kidding ourselves if we think that everybody can get what they need today from their families." Families come in all shapes and sizes - extended, single parent, both parents working.

 

The reality, said Rabbi Fine, "is that involved parents, involved adults, involved mentors can make all the difference in the world."

 

He cautioned adults to step back from setting the agenda and to keep an open mind about what the teens are accomplishing.

 

"The thing that is powerful about American youth and Jewish youth is they have a gigantic reservoir of caring, compassion, kindness and concern over their friends," said Rabbi Fine. Citing the events of Sept. 11, he asked, "Where do you draw the line in the sand, really risk your life? That's what kiddush Hashem (sanctifying God's name) is all about - taking a stand. Our kids have it in spades, and most people don't realize that because they're not looking in those places."

 

For kids at risk, said Rabbi Fine, ongoing discussions serve to "normalize people's desperate issues and demystify the process of getting help." People on the edge, he added, "feel like freaks. They feel that if they were normal this wouldn't happen to them."

 

Teshuvah: 'The power of spiritual awakening'

 

Listening to the experience of hundreds of teens living at the edge takes an emotional toil on Rabbi Fine. As an added challenge, less than two years ago he was in a terrible car accident and nearly lost his life. His recovery has been "slow but steady," but he expects another year and a half to get his full strength back.

 

"The trail of tears can knock me down," admitted Rabbi Fine. "But that's OK. Nobody can be detached; it doesn't work that way. You have to be involved."

 

His wife, Elliesheva, and their three children have been a tremendous support, said Rabbi Fine. Also, "deep spiritual learning" and the beauty of their home in the Catskills - where recently the first snow of the season frosted their sukkah - serve to restore his spirit.

 

With the publication of his book, Rabbi Fine has been contacted by kids on the edge from "all over the Western world" who have questions and concerns.

 

"For kids on the street in L.A.," said Rabbi Fine, "an Internet kiosk is available, even if you're a street hustler."

 

In some cases, he has even flown out to save their lives. But Rabbi Fine qualified that.

 

"On one level, no one saves anyone else's life, except maybe in an emergency room. ... I make it possible for people to reclaim and redeem their lives, to come back off the edge."

 

What is redemption in this day and age?

 

There are many deep levels and shades of meaning to the concept, said Rabbi Fine.

 

"At the most personal level, any and every person has the power to redeem and turn around their life," he said. "Teshuvah - which I translate as 'the power of spiritual awakening' - was created 2,000 years before the world was created. On a very deep level, the power to change and transform is hard-wired in our minds and heart. People have the power to redeem themselves, forgive themselves, to live most of their life in the depths of darkness yet find light, refine and redefine themselves. I've seen it, and it's powerful. It's called hope. Hope is the thread, the lifeline connected to our power of personal redemption."

 

Yehudah Fine, rabbi and family therapist, is author of "Times Square Rabbi: Finding the Hope in Lost Kids' Lives" (Hazelden Publishing, 1997), and member of the guidance staff at Yeshiva University. His workshops with teens and parents take him across America. He is a frequent guest on talk radio and TV programs.

©Kansas City Jewish Chronicle 2001

 

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Copyright 2001 Yehudah Fine http://www.YehudahFine.com

 

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A Note From Yehudah:

 

I apologize from the outset that each newsletter seems to come in parts one,

two, three or more. The piece that follows is also long and will be sent in

parts. But patience is a virtue and I ask you to be patient with me, as these

tales I tell outline some important principles.

 

Also, I will not be available much online for the coming months. I have a

major book deadline that is due for my upcoming book for Parenting Press. I

also am going back on the road. Add to that, Times Square Rabbi has to be

reissued soon and, in the coming months, I have to finish another book on

Forgiveness. All of this leaves me with huge time constraints. So, those of

you who write to me, please forgive me in advance for way shorter replies to

e-mail and way longer absences.

 

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